Wow-I am still working hard to return to my baseline before my Dentist’s appointment. Its going on 20 days now.
Wow, that has been a long time.
I don’t want to stay on the computer for more than 20 minutes, as I know the computer is not harder on my eyes and can wake me up and since I am having sleep issues still, I want to be firm on observing that.
So I am going to make this post short.
I am really thankful for all I have learned in rehab to help me manage this setback.
I am also really thankful for the doctors that I have who are helping me with it.
I have realized on my own this week that I need to be writing a sleep diary, so I am doing that.
Here the big points of what’s happening.
I got my headaches under control.
So it was lack of sleep (from waking up in the morning) that was the issue and subtle but increasing cognitive issues coming from not being able to get quality sleep.
I did a sleep study last week (that was luckily already scheduled) and will be able to see what issues can be understood from that once the study is interpreted.
I have made appointments to see my doctors here and in the meantime am trying some home remedies based on the Chinese medical notion of which organs are active at which time in the early morning. More on that later.
On Tuesday, I was thoroughly bored, because I have had to disengage from my normal life so much.
I took boredom as a good sign. I was out of pain. I started trying to plan ahead. A doctor reminded me that I needed to take my health issues first and to not jump the gun on getting back to the baseline. Its a huge temptation in the face of uncertainty to want to plan as though everything will be fine soon, but can also be a trap. I have learned that healing is not a straight line upward.
I started planning more engagement with people which was helpful.
I felt pretty frustrated on Wednesday as I wanted to get well faster. Each day I was getting more sleep and waking up later, but still waking up in the morning.
Thursday, I woke up alittle down as my waking up moved from waking up later to waking up earlier.
I had to remind myself that I didn’t really know if that was better or worse.
The last two days I have appeared to feel more rested even though I am waking up still twice in the morning and at earlier times.
Like I said, I am really grateful that I can articulate what’s happening to me so much better than I did previously.
I have the vocabulary to talk about what’s happening and the ability to dig it out of my memory so that I can talk about it. These are gifts of rehab and my public speaking.
And I have a lot more support of what I am going through because I can articulate it. I have support from my husband and close friends and I have support from other moms, who get that not being able to function very well affects my ability to be a mother.
I know I need to be more concrete, but will do that when I feel better. And I realized this week that this experience is useful for thinking about what its like for people with unidentified TBI who don’t have the support of doctors or health professionals or the vocabulary or the social supports that they need to get through a concussion that isn’t healing itself.
Its also a reminder that I know that I will come out of this, I just don’t know when. I know that because of my experiences with my recovery. I did not know that when I first had my concussion. And I heard from many professionals that I would not get better of I wasn’t better in two years, so I had a sense of a deadline that I was not getting appropriate treatment to meet. So I am glad to know that I will come out of this and that I just need to use my tools and my resources and communicate as best I can and take care of myself. I don’t know when I will get better, so I need to manage that uncertainty, but I know that I will.